To the rejoicing and the weeping on Mother’s Day,

This is my first Mother’s Day as a mom. It is a strange thing to suddenly be celebrated on a day that for the last nine years for me has been surrounded by deep pain and sadness. It has been nine years since my mom died and I still find myself quickly switching the radio station the second an ad for Mother’s Day comes on, or averting my eyes in the grocery store card aisle, or immediately scrolling away when I see something Mother’s Day related online. It is a day that makes me feel strange, like I am being excluded from something very special. But this year, I am a mom myself. All of a sudden this holiday I associated with mourning is now a day where I am to be celebrated. Strange right? Now don’t get me wrong, I am very much looking forward to my first Mother’s Day with my Lainey girl and am extremely grateful to even get to be a mom. But that doesn’t mean it still won’t be a difficult day. So here I am in this paradox and am not really sure how I am supposed to navigate this day and I have a hunch that I am not the only one out there who feels this way.  

Life is full of paradoxical moments though isn’t it. The bitter and the sweet. Moments of pure happiness immediately followed by utter devastation. Wedding anniversaries and birthdays sharing the same dates as a traumatic event or the anniversary of a death. Joyous celebrations tinged with sadness because of the huge void left by those no longer celebrating with us. Days filled with a baby shower, and a funeral, and then a wedding. (You get the idea.) Now Mother’s Day will be one of those bittersweet days for me and I know it is for so many others too. It is a day filled with celebration (and rightfully so!) but also a day accompanied by pain and grief for many. It is in the middle of those conflicting feelings and moments that I know I need to seek the Word of God for direction.

A verse that the Holy Spirit keeps bringing to my attention is Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” Oof. That is not always an easy command to obey. What does it look like to truly rejoice with the rejoicing and weep with the weeping? Sometimes it means putting aside your own feelings for the sake of loving others where they are at. It means celebrating others’ victories and special occasions even when you haven’t had a victory in years or don’t feel like there is anything in your life to celebrate. It means being present with those who are grieving when it’s not always comfortable or convenient. It means allowing people the space and time to be sad and not rushing them to get back to “normal”. It means rejoicing with the moms in your life who love to celebrate Mother’s Day and honoring them well, and also weeping with the moms who find this day to be painful and difficult. It looks like loving both where they are at and leaving room for them to feel however they need to. The Lord knew there would be both rejoicing and weeping on this earth and I just really love that He wanted this command included in Paul’s teachings on how to genuinely love others. It is loving to rejoice with those who are rejoicing and it is loving to mourn with the broken hearted, even if it is contradictory to how you are feeling in the moment. Lord, help us, help me, to do this.

So, to those out there who do not have a mom to celebrate today, I weep with you. I know how hard it is to see photo after photo of people celebrating with their moms and how badly you wish you could do the same. You are loved.

To those who have lost your wife and mother of your children, I weep with you. I weep with your children who have lost their mama. May the Lord wrap you all up in His loving arms. He hasn’t forgotten about you. You are loved.

To the mamas out there who have waited and longed to be able to celebrate Mother’s Day and this year you finally get to with your baby in your arms, I am so elated for you and hope you have such a special first Mother’s Day. You are loved.

To the women who are grieving the fact that they will never be able to carry a child of their own and this day brings you hurt, I weep with you. You are not forgotten and are certainly not less than. You are worthy of celebration and you are loved.

To those who do have a mom to celebrate and happen to love this day so you can give her the appreciation she deserves, I rejoice with you. Enjoy your time together and celebrate the heck out of her. You are loved.

To those who have lost children and infants and this day brings up pain and all of those “what if” questions and wonderings, I weep with you. This is not how it was supposed to be. You are loved and so are your babies.

To all the moms out there celebrating their first, fifth, twentieth, or fiftieth Mother’s Day, I rejoice with you and am cheering you on. I hope you feel appreciated for all that you do. You are loved.

Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

As for how I will go about navigating this day for myself, I will give myself grace and freedom to mourn and celebrate and not feel guilty for either. God clearly knew our days on earth would be filled with both, so it is normal and human to feel them simultaneously. I will celebrate the miracle of having my daughter and the deep joy I have experienced in being her mom. I will thank God for her life and for getting to be her mom. I will spend time with family and friends and celebrate all the mamas in my life who I love and treasure so much. But I will also mourn my own mom and the fact that I can’t tell her to her face how much I love and appreciate all that she taught me. I will let myself be sad and sneak away if I need to. I will find a quiet place to be alone with Jesus when I need it. I will weep and I will rejoice.